Aha! Some improvement! I'm on page 52. Good stuff happening. A few cases of pointing out the obvious, like the Ragwitch says to Julia's trapped consciousness, Ha ha I've got all these minions making shrieking noises, and "You will like them" (43), and the next line is:
"'No,' said Julia, defiantly. She was absolutely sure that the things that made those noises would not be likeable at all."
Was that whole sentence really necessary? It could have been
"No,' said Julia, defiantly. She was sure she wouldn't.
That would have delivered the irony I think Nix was going for. But the sentence that's there instead goes on a beat or two too long, and it sounds like he thinks we don't understand that the evil evil evil doll's shrieking minions will not, in fact, be enjoyable company for Julia.
But then, we get some real good scary stuff. One of my comments on these pages was: "This is bloody fantastic. I am freaked out by this fucking doll." The visual details of her and the minions she summons are impressively original, resonant (that "whoa I had a nightmare about that long long ago it's like you're in my soul!" feeling) and tingling in their scary.
The big rocky throne the Ragwitch is sitting on is called the Spire. She calls for a specific servant called Oroch, and he bursts out of the Spire, saying he had been trapped there. They agree that the Ragwitch has gotten more powerful. Notes at the bottom of this chapter page: "I am so ready for more. What happened all that time ago? Who are "they", who trapped Oroch? I'm scared. Please, Paul, get better at being a Main Character. Julia is in some serious shit."
Back at the ranch, Paul is on a boat headed for Rhysamarn, guffawing with Aleyne the Knight about Paul's failure at pronouncing the names of things in this world. It's kind of a camp-fest. All the camp. Ho ho ho, we're on an adventure, and this bizarre world you come from with "carz" etc is so weird Paul...
but it's not too bad, and at least we're actively on the way somewhere now. I feel better now that I see I'm only an 8th through this book, so plenty of more things are bound to happen.
This is my hope. Don't let me down, Garth.
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