Paul! You need to stop!
Paul is being really blatantly whiny. I think Nix is going for a "I am a brat but I become a hero and save my sister" kind of plot, but I don't like how it's set up. Paul was a little whiny in the woods, but while indeed irritating that was totally understandable--it's the MC being dropped into a new universe. He's supposed to be cranky for a few minutes. But then we had a chapter or two where he was okay, and now we're officially On the Adventure and suddeny he's Mr. Whiney Pants, and it's SO BLATANT. Some examples: "Paul looked gloomily around the campsite. He hated camping" (55); "Good greasy wool will keep the weather out.' 'Oh,' said Paul, who hated the feel of wool, and didn't like the sound of 'greasy' wool."; "[Paul] knew this forest would be as bad as the other one" (57).
Yeah, that harrowing wood where we were kidnapped by Maydancers. You ain't seen nothing yet, Paul. You don't know what Julia's going through. I definitely like Julia a lot more than Paul now, and I didn't expect that. If he's gonna change to hero, I'd like it to be sooner rather than later. Otherwise I'm never going to enjoy any scenes with Paul, unless some really stellar secondary characters dive in and save the show. Which frankly, they're already doing. There was this great Pan-like creature guy spirit of the forest named Ornware who was frigging awesome. He has antlers and yellow eyes. Though I was a little annoyed that they mentioned the yellow times about three times.
Also, we're beign chased by Garwulches or whatever the apey minions of the Ragwitch's are. Ornware killed some.
Also, Aleyne's keeping some stuff secret. A couple of really super obvious ellipsis-filled statements of his were saying so. I am Ticked Off. Better ways to foreshadow man; they're out there. Give up the ellipses. They just so rarely add anything. They just make you look like a bad script writer. If you're gonna be a bad writer, your form should at least be recognizable.
Let's go, guys. Keep it up. The plot is indeed starting to become engaging. Don't let Paul and Nix join up and ruin it.
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